dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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