i think my tv is drunk
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
