Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
