i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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