she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
