He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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