next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
