Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i think my cat just said my name.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
