So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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