I'm going to rape someone's good day.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
