it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
