Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
