i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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