Your face is a jimmy john
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
