I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
