i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
