if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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