Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you win again, gameday.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
