Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
