Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
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He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
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Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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