did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
