Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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