sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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