Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
