we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
