I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
