After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
