i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
