eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
