Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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