I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
