you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
