I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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