hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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