I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
