btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
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we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
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Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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