I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
ttyl tear gas
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
