i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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