Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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