No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
