two words: eviction party
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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