Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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