she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
