I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Idk if I want to put a bra on
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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