im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
