Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Are my feet made of real feet?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
