Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
