He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize