I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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