You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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