I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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