mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
