There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
