Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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