I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
