We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
