i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
