Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
