Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
