i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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