yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
