Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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