If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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