I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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