i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Randomize
