I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I enjoy the company of your penis
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
