But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
