just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
