I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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