Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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