Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize