She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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