I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
