Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
